|
|
... I have come to the conclusion that I'm simply not ready to settle into a serious relationship yet. How can I be? Last week I was all into Jon, this weekend I'm completely ga-ga over Dan. It's like, dude girl, get a grip! I'm kinda disgusted at myself for my flightiness, really.
On the other hand,I'm a little bummed. I really liked Dan... a lot. But he's in Dayton, OH for at least another 2 years or so, and LDRs [long distance relationships] suck big time... All the cool guys are long distance! It sucks!
Dan has this wonderful, delightful smile that I love... kinda easy, kinda wry, kinda friendly. I think it's what attracted me to him at first, 'cuz when I shook his hand while Roy was introducing us, I remember feeling this brief stab of disappointment that Dan wasn't as cute as I thought he might be. But the more I got to know him, the more I liked him, and the cuter he became... especially that crinkly, blue-eyed grin of his. And... I think... he's just so much more my type than anyone else I've met lately. Like, he's practically perfect right now. I mean, sure he's less hairy than I'm used to, and he's skinny, but... gawd, I'm attracted physically to him and he's got a great personality and sense of humor. Admittedly he's mentioned he's not ready to settle down yet either.
And he's in Ohio.
Argh.
I hate saying goodbye... no matter how "uncomplicated" things are supposed to be. And I felt a little awkward at the airport 'cuz Roy was there, too. Actually, after we sent Dan off, and Roy and I were talking, it seemed like Roy didn't really want to talk to me anymore. He wasn't looking at me. I don't know if it's 'cuz Dan and I slept together last night, or if he was just too preoccupied trying to figure out where his friend Jeremy was, or if it's 'cuz he doesn't really need me anymore, what with all his current love interests going on, or just... whatever. It doesn't feel too good.
I really envied the easy comaderie Roy and Dan have, though. They've been through so much together. Erica and I have history, but not the shared toughness, I think. We haven't really been tested. We do have the comaderie though... maybe I was just envious of the fact that Roy and Dan got to see each other and renew their friendship.
...