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Man, we just had an incredibly awesome night. The birthday bash for Erica and Lisa went off without a hitch. Nearly, anyways. Plans weren't finalized until at nearly the last minute and I waas stressing the whole way through, but oh well. At least we wound up all having a ton of fun, and that's the important thing.
I just finished copying all these computer journals over and I just kept shaking my head over how dumb I was over Wes. I mean, it's close enough to recent memory for me to remember how much turmoil I was in, but that 20/20 hindsight tells me I was a really melodramatic idiot during a lot of it. Now I can look back and realize that I wanted Wes not because we were compatible -- because I don't think we were -- I wanted Wes 'cuz I knew he was a really good person and I wanted this "good person" for myself. I ignored the fact that I wasn't too physically attracted to him, ignored his vagueness when he didn't want to answer one of my questions -- ignored a lot of little things that bothered me. He's not a PDA person either, I think that was the biggest thing about him that bothered me. I love touch, to touch and being touched in turn, and if I'm in love with someone, nothing's going to stop me from giving him a hug or kiss whenever I want to. No frenching in public, but simple kisses are fine. Wes didn't do any of that stuff. It would've driven me insane eventually.
There's this song playing on Winamp right now that fits my sentiments back then perfectly. Well, not my sentiments. Like basically what I felt subconsciously but wouldn't admit to myself. The song's called "Want Me" by Red Delicious and the chorus goes "I want you to want me, but do you want me... I want you to love me, but you can't love me." Then there's this part where the singer's singing "You are not the one." I heard it and realized they were echoing words I had typed weeks ago. Was funky.
Paul [not the same one from last winter] called yesterday night as Erica and Lisa were getting here. He had been in Chicago, which I guess was why he hadn't called after our coffee date Sunday. Oh man, I don't know what to do. I mean, I totally like him and he's attractive and we get along pretty well... it's almost sweet how he can be shy. I definitely want to take it slow... want the whole courtship to be slow and sweet and romantic. But I don't know how serious I want to be with him.
Roy is talking to me on ICQ chat. He's torn up over this woman in SC that I think he has some pretty strong feelings for. I keep trying to tell him that he needs to call this woman's bluffs and just meet her or at least find out the truth. Seems like the woman won't cooperate though. Sigh. Roy sounds frustrated, and I wish I can help him, but he seems a little blinded right now. I just don't want to be the one to pick him up off the ground, dust him off, and adjust his hindsight vision...